Planet of the Apes (2001)

Mitchell

Geez. I saw the 2001 Planet of the Apes with Mark Wahlberg, Paul Giamatti, and Helena Bonham Carter, directed by Grace’s favorite, Tim Burton.

I thought certainly someone had reviewed it here, but no. Instead, a few comments from this thread.

Reid:

I was flipping through the TV channels, and I saw bits of the remake Planet of the Apes. That might qualify as one of the worst movies ever.

Joel:

Planet of the Apes remake as one of the worst movies ever? I thought the film was entertaining enough to keep my attention. The action sequences were enough for me [not to call it] … “one of the worst movies ever.” I didn’t think the acting was all that bad either.

Let me assure you all that while this is no Event Horizon, it at least deserves mention on the Worst Movies list. This film SUCKS. And you know what? It’s not the acting. The acting is actually quite good; the actors do what they can with the material they are given.

Some thought must be given to the director’s purpose, and I suspect that Burton was going for a certain amount of camp, but even if a lot of the dialogue was intentionally bad, it was so bad that it was nearly unwatchable. How such esteemed actors as Giamatti and Bonham Carter were convinced to utter such ridiculous lines is beyond me, except that this is pre-American Splendor for Giamatti and Bonham Carter has always seemed a little wacky.

The action sequences were boring. The costuming, which the positive reviewers seemed to focus on, actually made things worse, because the very concept of these apes is so outlandish that the realer-looking the costumes, the dumber the whole idea seemed to be. This is a movie that was doomed to failure no matter HOW good the acting, costumes, action, and plot, unless the writers and director went completely the other way, along the lines of, say, Mars Attacks!

Do not see this film unless you, like me, are trying to see everything Paul Giamatti’s in. I’ve been avoiding two Giamatti films in my quest to be a Giamatti completionist: Saving Private Ryan, because I’m not eager to see the opening sequences, and Thunderpants, for reasons I hope will be obvious to anyone who knows about this film. However, I survived Planet of the Apes, so I suppose I can handle even these two movies.

2/10.

Reid
Yea! we agree on a film. (Well, I would consider giving it a 1/10.) I thought I had a review, but I guess now. Btw, isn’t Bonham-Cater married to Burton? That would explain her involvement in the film.

I understand the reason you don’t want to see the opening of Saving Private Ryan, but it has to be one of the greatest battle sequences ever filmed. And I’m not a big fan of the movie.

Mitchell
I sheepishly admit that the reason it doesn’t get a 1 is because there was one thing that held my interest. Okay, so that’s a lame reason, but I’m being honest. I like pretty women.

I thought certainly someone had reviewed it here, but no. Instead, a few comments from this thread.

Reid:

I was flipping through the TV channels, and I saw bits of the remake Planet of the Apes. That might qualify as one of the worst movies ever.

Joel:

Planet of the Apes remake as one of the worst movies ever? I thought the film was entertaining enough to keep my attention. The action sequences were enough for me [not to call it] … “one of the worst movies ever.” I didn’t think the acting was all that bad either.

Let me assure you all that while this is no Event Horizon, it at least deserves mention on the Worst Movies list. This film SUCKS. And you know what? It’s not the acting. The acting is actually quite good; the actors do what they can with the material they are given.

Some thought must be given to the director’s purpose, and I suspect that Burton was going for a certain amount of camp, but even if a lot of the dialogue was intentionally bad, it was so bad that it was nearly unwatchable. How such esteemed actors as Giamatti and Bonham Carter were convinced to utter such ridiculous lines is beyond me, except that this is pre-American Splendor for Giamatti and Bonham Carter has always seemed a little wacky.

The action sequences were boring. The costuming, which the positive reviewers seemed to focus on, actually made things worse, because the very concept of these apes is so outlandish that the realer-looking the costumes, the dumber the whole idea seemed to be. This is a movie that was doomed to failure no matter HOW good the acting, costumes, action, and plot, unless the writers and director went completely the other way, along the lines of, say, Mars Attacks!

Do not see this film unless you, like me, are trying to see everything Paul Giamatti’s in. I’ve been avoiding two Giamatti films in my quest to be a Giamatti completionist: Saving Private Ryan, because I’m not eager to see the opening sequences, and Thunderpants, for reasons I hope will be obvious to anyone who knows about this film. However, I survived Planet of the Apes, so I suppose I can handle even these two movies.

2/10.

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